I have a confession to make.

This long gap in my correspondence, the one that I so cleverly hinted was due to my rigorous training schedule for an upcoming military film...it is a gap of lies. That is to say, I initially WAS indeed training with Danther in preparation for a war movie, but approximately one and a half workouts into the regimen I got ferociously high on crack and Jack and accosted Danther with a pancake. That was still in a cast iron skillet. Oh poor Danther. He'll be alright once his body stops trying to reject the new eye, but his report to the producers of the film resulted in a swift and irrevocable renunciation of my role. Zip! Gone. And I, unemployed once more. RICH, yes. But without anything to...what's the word I'm searching for...ah yes. Do. Without anything to do. But wander my Hollywood mansion, meandering from alcoholic beverage to alcoholic beverage. It's a bit of a drink slalom. Slalom. Huh. Even typing the word "slalom" makes me feel like I'm slurring my words. Oh Christ what am I going to do here in these, my twilight years??? Oh dear now the keyboard is sticky with scotch.